The Nail That Sticks Out Gets Hammered In
Why Asians Conform
Filial Piety
In East Asia, there is a heavy influence of Filial Piety, a Confucian concept originating in China in the 4th century BCE. It came about during the disorderly and dangerous time of the Zhou Dynasty’s decline. There was an abundance of wars, uncertainty, and moral decay resulting from desperation as hunger and starvation persisted.
Out of this cauldron of troubling times emerged a golden age of Chinese philosophy as thinkers sought for templates on how to build a better society. The most influential of all was Confucius, and his legacy is Filial Piety which is the practice of respect, obedience, and care for one’s parents and elderly family members. This eventually evolved to include respect, obedience, and care for one’s superiors beyond the family, including people in hierarchical organizations such as the military, companies, school, and society in general.
Over time cultural constructs developed where hierarchies were crystallized beyond organizations and became horizontal norms across society, especially around age and gender. This culture spread from China to Korea and Japan in the East, and to other places in Southeast Asia where many Chinese migrated to.
It is the reason why today, there is much similarity between cultural expectations of people where Filial Piety is deeply rooted in society. One must take care of one’s parents, listen to them, respect them, bow down to them, never answer back, and never question them. The same goes for superiors in any organization they are in, be it at school, work, military, temple or any other place - always respect the elder.
At home, it is expected that women take care of the household while husbands must work as the breadwinner. As head of the household, all members must respect the father, including the mother and this has translated into a general subservient role women have to men in these societies.
To illustrate how pervasive the expectation of respect is, let me share an encounter I had recently. One of my hobbies is to cycle. I enjoy going on rides alone, and sometimes with groups. One weekend, while cycling with a group here in Singapore, I witnessed a heated exchange between a young cyclist I came to know through some rides together, and an elderly cyclist I saw for the first time. The two didn’t know each other. We were at a gas station getting a break and rehydrating, and even from a distance, I could tell that the older cyclist was visibly agitated- he was gesturing and speaking loudly, berating the young cyclist. When we got back on the road again, I asked the kid what the excitement was all about. The answer was that the older cyclist was furious that he had overtaken him, flexing his ability to maintain a higher speed, and should never have gone ahead and stayed behind the entire time. The reason? Because he was younger. The fact such a visible altercation could take place in broad daylight between two complete strangers over such a petty point without any intervention was a testament to how ingrained age base respect is in the culture. I told the kid I’d be honored if he overtook me and led the way from that point.
This system of respect has developed into a system of conformity - where value is placed in adherence and individualism is regarded as dangerous. Such an environment brings forth some profound questions, especially around the concepts of freedom, innovation, and expectations.
We’ll discuss these topics in more detail in coming articles, where I’ll share what I’ve learned in both the Western and Eastern cultures after building startups and working at large corporations in both hemispheres.
➡️ Watch the accompanying YouTube video for this article here:
➡️ Read the previous FoFty manuscript article here:
