How an African American Church Changed our Lives

But We're Not Black

I had just turned our keys to our NYC apartment earlier in the morning and was rushing to LaGuardia airport to catch a plane to San Francisco. Once again, I was cutting things real close. No worries, I always end up making it somehow, someway - that’s been the story of my life.

Little did I know this time, the “somehow, someway” would blow my mind and change the course of life.

The time had come to finally say goodbye to NYC. Jamie, my wife and girlfriend at the time had already left for California on a cross-country road trip with our stuff. The plan was for her to set up shop at our place in Silicon Valley while I cleaned up and joined her a couple of weeks later. It was an exhilarating time - I had just quit my job to focus on our startup and move on from a divorce to start a new life with my new life partner on the other side of the country.

But I was late. 

As I arrived at the boarding gate, my heart sank as I saw what I knew was the plane I was supposed to be on shuttling on to the runway. There was still a guy at the podium looking busy - he immediately became my next target. I proceeded to try and convince him to find another flight later that day that I could get on. This guy would not budge - I thought I could “bro” him to cut me some slack, but he basically demolished any idea I had about being a salesman. Jamie is going to kill me.

That’s when I saw this other couple stumbling in, rushing to make the same flight. 

“Y’all are too late - the plane left. I’m supposed to be on the same flight” I chirped smartly. The man rushing in with his wife brushed aside my comment and proceeded to make his way to the man without ears at the podium. “Don’t bother, I already tried to talk to that guy - there are no other flights available today, they’re booked out!”

I must have been a ghost that day because he continued on as if I he didn’t hear me. So what the heck, let me get close and hear him get turned down just like I did. That’s what you get for pretending I don’t exist.

“There’s no other available flights today sir. You will have to book a flight for tomorrow.” Ha, I knew it!

This is where things took a strange turn.

“You don’t understand. I am a pastor, and I have to preach a sermon tomorrow morning - I need to get on a plane to San Francisco today.”

All of a sudden, podium man suddenly turned into a human and said, “Let me see what I can do pastor… Smith?” Magically, he found another flight that afternoon, but it was departing from JFK airport, so he did the unimaginable: he booked an airline limo to take the pastor and his wife there on the double.

My jaw dropped to the ground. What on earth? I desperately yelled out the guy, “Hey pastor, help a brother out!”

Pastor Smith turned around, looked me in the eye, and then tells podium human “Can you please book the same flight for that guy over there?” He points at me and says, “He’s my cousin.”

It is at this point that I must tell you a critical piece of information of this story: the pastor and his wife are black.

I think I turned into a blob of blue cheese at that point. Wha? Who me? Cousin? 

“YES!” I yelled, yes yes yes.. I’m his cousin. I’m the cousin of that black pastor. Please hook me up!

Podium human shoots a steely gaze at me and says “Ok, I found another ticket for your… er… cousin over there.” 

And just like that, the next thing I knew I was sitting next to the pastor and his wife in a black Lincoln Town car en route to JFK airport.

I told them I had just quit my job, turned the keys to my apartment in earlier in the morning, and was looking forward to a new life in Silicon Valley doing a startup. That’s when Larin, Pastor Smith’s wife, piped up and said “That’s exactly what I did this morning! I turned in the keys to our apartment and Kaloma (Pastor Smith) and I are heading to California to start a new life - this is the first church Kaloma will be a pastor of!”

Woah… this was starting to get real weird real quick. “No way, so let me get this straight, you’re basically doing what I’m doing, and we both missed the same flight and I became your cousin?” Cue spooky Twilight Zone music.

We got into JFK with more than enough time, had some PopEye’s fried chicken (don’t start, I suggested it because I love fried chicken ok?)  and boarded the plane - our seats were next to each other so we continued our conversation.

“So, where exactly in San Francisco is this church Pastor Smith will start preaching at?” 

“Oh, it’s not in San Francisco, it’s in Silicon Valley.” 

“Ah, I see - where in Silicon Valley?”

This is where things went full bizarro mode. You see, the answer to that question was an address that was across the street from the apartment Jamie and I were moving into. Of all the places in the Bay Area in Northern California - I mean how many churches are there in the region around San Francisco?

I told them we were living right around the corner and they invited me to come to University AMEZ, their church which is Palo Alto’s oldest African American church.

“Uh, I know I’m your cousin and all, but look at me, I’m as Korean looking as they come. And Jamie? Not only is she white, she’s Jewish! You sure this is a good idea?”

“Of course it’s a good idea! Come, and we will welcome you.”

After I told Jamie about the crazy trip I had, I asked her if she wanted to come with me to University AMEZ the next Sunday. I knew she’d say yes - heck she’s with me, the furthest thing from a Jewish man. 

The rest is history - not only did Pastor Kaloma Smith and Larin welcome us, the entire church received us as if we were family. As newbies looking to make a new home in a new area, having their support was invaluable. I often tell Kaloma that if the roles were reversed and a black couple came to a Korean church, I don’t think the ending would have been as happy. I honestly believe this after having been brought up going to different Korean churches in different countries. 

Pastor Smith baptized Jamie, married us, baptized Jakob our son, and most recently baptized Shiloh our daughter. We always make it a point to try and swing by Palo Alto and visit them and the church when we go to the US.

But wait, there’s more - watch the accompanying video to learn about Jamie’s side of the story coming from the Jewish side and how together it has made us stronger as individuals, as a couple, as parents, and as a family.